Really liked your piece, it was very musical and you had some good ideas.
I didn’t get the action feel though, this as much more in a “thriller/Suspense” style. I’d even go as far to say that this was more suited as underscore music.
Perhaps you might want to go away and do a little research on action cues and how they are structured.
Here are some guidelines for you to follow and practice
Faster ostinato strings to give movement,
Pulsing percussion or drums, sparse Harmony That doesn’t point too much towards major or minor id generally where the market is now, lots of bends and hybrid elements are always welcome.
Here are some examples.
Logan - this is very underscore approach but uses pulses and bends to create tension. It’s very dissonant but the harmony is stagnant around the dissonant moving parts.
Endgame - a Golden age approach to an action cue. Alan Silvestri utilises a melody in Tutti along with pulsating percussion. The melody is also pushed forward by intermittent spiccato and staccato phrases which add interest and transition sections seamlessly. This is very similar to what John Williams would do.
Pirates of the Caribbean - this is a more grand theme. Originally taken from the opening battle scene in Gladiator and adapted for this saga. The melody is still there but it’s really the percussion and staccato strings that bring this cue to life. Unlike the others, this cue is mainly in 6/8 so it bounces along.
Aqua man trailer piece - this is a bit more unconventional, but all trailer pieces are very action orientated for the most part, especially this one which o think is possibly the greatest trailer piece of all time (to date). It would be really good to study this piece as it has all the elements I’ve listed above.
Most of the pieces above only utilise some of the techniques that I’ve pointed out, and they all underscore when at all possible. This contest will probably need to be overscored as there’s no visuals but everything you can learn from these scores is really useful.
I hope this helps for your future pieces.